First Published in Summer Whole Woman 2011

As a child I went to a catholic school.  In primary school at around age nine I remember having a night where the girls went into one room with their mothers and we were shown a video about puberty, and the boys and their fathers went to another.  If the emotional and social changes were touched on it was briefly and I barely remember it.

At 13 we got a lesson in the various menstrual products on the market.  Again, I don't remember much in the way of discussion.  Throughout high-school this was the theme – any education about sex was either in science class where it was mechanics only, or religion class which entailed lots of giggling and vague conversations about the bible's teachings on sex – basically it is for conception only, and preferably after you are married.

It is probably worth pointing out that in a class of 60 girls that received this education (you'll note there is no mention of contraception – maybe a vague mention of the pill at some point) by the time we were 17 and leaving school four had had children.

The fact that I don't remember having education about contraception or sexuality doesn't mean it didn't happen admittedly, however it does point to it not being very thorough.  I grew up thinking that a woman’s sexual desires were bad, that sex was bad, that men have different needs to women and it is a woman’s job to accommodate those needs.

In the USA where some states rely on abstinence based sex education there is a far higher incidence of unplanned teen pregnancy.  Teens are aware of things like HIV and other STI's but rarely use adequate protection.  Countries that teach more comprehensive sex education (such as Sweden) have lower rates of unplanned teen pregnancy and teens are more likely to use adequate protection.

But it is not only the anatomical details that matter – sexuality and societal impacts are crucial too, especially in this day and age.  Sexuality is a vast subject, and for teens who are bombarded with messages in the media and by their peers, it can become extremely confusing.

Women are objectified and men are portrayed as victims of their sexuality. Increasingly 'sexy' is becoming something to be desired in younger and younger girls, the word “sexified” has recently entered our vocabulary, yet it is rare for sex education to include any of this. Schools tend to stick to basic facts rather than enter into the murky societal aspects of sexuality.

Education about sexuality is just as important (if not more so) than education about the bare mechanics and science of the sex act itself. Pornography and it’s availability have led an entire generation of children astray, and the current sex ed programmes do little to assist. It is assumed - in most cases wrongly - that anything beyond the basic mechanical principles of sex, will be discussed as a family, a matter of family values.

Pornography has created myths about what is an appropriate sexual appetite, the sexual expectations of others in relation to private boundaries, of same sex relationships and the list goes on. An alcohol fuelled night can lead many teens (girls in particular) to break their own boundaries, in an attempt to win favour with their peer group.

The result of this may be pregnancy, or it may be an STI, however it could also be social ostracism, bullying, and labelling which has left many girls damaged emotionally, and has even resulted in the suicide of a number of teens. A girl who has learnt only the mechanics of sex is poorly equipped for the way society oppresses feminine sexuality in person, but glorifies in in the media.

In order to truly inform children we must give them as much information as possible, covering as many angles of sexuality as possible, and helping them build boundaries to protect themselves from anything unexpected they may encounter. It is hard to see how teens can navigate their way through the conflicting emotions and the changes occurring within them, as well as the confusing external messages.

Kids need to know about sex, yes, but they also need to know about contraception, STI’s, sexual orientation, sex acts other than intercourse, and they need to spend a good deal of time exploring their own boundaries and the expectations they may encounter once their social lives take off. Schools aren’t teaching this stuff so many children are getting their sex ed from internet porn … I for one find that extremely concerning, possibly even worse than my catholic school girl sex ed.

By Katy Delaney