Whole Woman

As we become women we find ourselves increasingly interested in having sexual relationships. There's a lot of fuss about sex and deciding whether or not to have sex is a decision that needs a lot of consideration.

There are lots of good sources for information about sex and relationships so make sure that wherever your information comes from that it takes into account your physical, emotional, and social needs. As well as the good sources of information, there are a whole lot of bad ones too. It is unwise to trust a friend or a potential sexual partner with anything other than their own personal experiences. For factual information you should always seek a source that has no vested interest in your decision, no matter what that decision will be! It's a mine field out there so good luck getting the right information. Here are a few things to consider.

• Are you deciding to have sex because YOU want to, or are you being pressured? Are you as comfortable saying yes, as you are saying no? If the answer is no, then maybe you should take some time to get to know this person more, or alternatively consider not seeing them anymore. If you feel as though saying no to sex could alter the relationship negatively then s/he might not be the one for you.

• Are you informed about the potential consequences of sex? Sex can have social and emotional outcomes and before deciding to enter into a sexual relationship it's good to know how you will handle them should they eventuate. In this day and age with the internet and technology, gossiping and bullying can be really hurtful, and society can be extremely judgmental about women and their sex lives. If you'd like your first time to be a really intimate experience then trusting the person you're with is really important!

• Are you aware of the physical consequences of a sexual relationship? Everything from STD's to pregnancy, and even the pain of intercourse for the first time should be considered. You should be able to trust the person you sleep with well, and you should be able to trust that in the event of a pregnancy they will support any decisions you make.

• Have you considered contraception and are you informed about how your chosen method works? Never leave contraception up to someone else, this is YOUR body so you have to be equally responsible! Ensure that he puts condoms on properly by watching. Never believe anyone who says that condoms don't fit them - I can get a condom on my head, so unless his penis is bigger than my head the odds are good that he's fibbing to you. There are lots of other means of contraception too but a condom is the most accessible.

• If the relationship went nowhere, how would you feel about having had sex? Would you feel used if this person were to end the relationship straight after you had sex with them? Would you feel heart broken? Would you be concerned that you weren't good enough in bed?

• How well do you know the other person and how much can you trust them? Pretty self explanatory really. If you just met some person at a party and you're both a little bit tipsy, it's probably a good idea to hold off on taking the relationship further. All the previous points come into play with this one!

• Do you and your partner have similar expectations of a sexual relationship? Parents often struggle to discuss sex with their children and teenagers, so often a lot of the information that young women have about sex is from their friends or magazines. The same is true of teenage boys, however quite often they also form some of their opinions and desires from what they see in pornography. It is very rare for pornography to showcase sensual, caring, mutually enjoyable sexual experiences. In porn women derive pleasure from ridiculous things (I once saw a woman screaming with pleasure when a man with an erection licked her elbow) in reality women derive pleasure from attentive, gentle, caring partners who take the time to get to know their bodies.

• Does the idea of sex make you feel excited or nervous? Take note of the physical and emotional sensations you experience when you consider sex with a partner. Listen to the signals your body is giving you!